“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like. I can’t say the same thing about people.”
– actress and singer Doris Day.
Whenever animals go up against man, usually it’s the poor critter who ends up getting the short end of the proverbial stick. No matter how strong, no matter how aggressive, animals can’t out-think their human opponents, so often they end up as glue, as horses do; or as dinner, as cows do.
Three contests between man and beast recently have yet again proven the axiom that when the worlds of humans and animals collide, the animal winds up hurt or on the menu – or, in one case, drunk and disorderly.
It’s a tough, cold world out there, and while these beasts may be high on the food chain in their own world, they don’t stand a chance when they try to outwit or outfight their human opponents.
In Poland, two Russian men recently snuck into a national park in the Tatra Mountains and, apparently trying to hang on to their hard-earned rubles, they did not pay the ticket fee. According to Tomonews, they mistook an actual bear for a park employee dressed up as a bear and attempted to duke it out with the curious Kodiak.
Soon, the men were cut and bleeding and this poor Polish Pooh wound up knocked out and injured. The bear, Samson, was taken to a vet for stitches and the men were ordered to pay Samson’s medical tab.
One, trying to defend their idiocy, said they decided to “punch him just once so he would keep quiet.” How much vodka the men had consumed before these shenanigans was not disclosed, but it’s fair to assume it was a considerable amount.
Speaking of alcohol, it’s not always humans who wreak havoc when booze goes down in vast quantities. The NBC News site Weird News tells the story of a bear – yes, a bear – on the other side of the globe in Baker Lake, Washington, who got into the hooch at a campground and made his tastes quite clear.
He downed 36 cans of Rainier beer but turned his nose up at Busch, one of the best-selling beers in America. There’s no accounting for ursine tastes.
Wildlife staff at the park sent it scurrying, and the buzzed bear went to sleep it off in a nearby tree. Apparently, however, it didn’t get the message as it was back the following day for more of the golden liquid.
This sealed its fate, and the staff were soon back with a humane trap and the usual bait that makes a bear go weak at the knees: donuts soaked in honey and for this discerning guy: two open cans of Rainier beer.
This was enough to lure the hungover beast into the trap. Wildlife enforcement officer Sergeant Bill Heinck said he was mystified by the bear’s obvious preference for one lager over the other.
“This is a new one on me,” he told NBC News. “I’ve known them to get into cans, but nothing like this. And it definitely had a preference.” Who knew that bears preferred one beer over another or that they liked beer at all? Whatever happened to good, old fashioned honey?
Daily Mail shares a more tragic story which also occurred in Poland, this time on a farm where an animal made a break for freedom as if it knew it was destined to end up as dinner or dog food.
An on-the-lam cow of the breed Limousin became something of a celebrity when she made a dash for freedom by breaking through a metal fence.
Men were trying to herd her onto a truck to take her to the slaughterhouse, but she wasn’t having it and bolted. Her captors were hot on her trail so she swam to a nearby island, where more than a week elapsed while a team tried to corral her – all to no avail.
Finally, the farmer to whom she belonged decided to have her tranquilized, but the vet couldn’t get close enough to the skittish animal to land the dart.
A local politician, Pawel Kukiz, took up the cause and launched a social media campaign to gain support for keeping the cow alive. Though not a vegetarian, he said he respected the animal’s desperate bid for life and wanted to see her graze freely and grow old.
He offered to take on the expense of feeding her and keeping her safe, but alas, when she was finally herded into the truck and bound for the farm, she died. No word was given whether the bovine died of exhaustion or a broken heart at losing her freedom.
These are just a few examples of what can happen when the “wishes” of animals and men collide; scenarios can play out in a humorous or tragic way, depending invariably on the hearts of the men involved.
One thing is certain, however: because the animals can’t outwit their human opponents, they rarely end up on the winning side of the bargain.